Photo: Ben Symons/Peacock
And it was all going so well. Before we ended on the meanest game ever devised outside of a dinner party hosted by Heather Gay of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, it really felt like we were getting back to the heart of Love Island. Mostly because we have elaborate euphemisms for sex again. Cierra and Nic have been doing the deed practically every night, and Cierra has started referring to it as her “journey.” It was a lot longer than their last journey, which famously lasted 30 seconds, Cierra tells Iris one morning. They stopped for food along the way. Hamburgers and hot dogs, if ya catch Cierra’s drift. And, wink wink, the trip ended with a visit to a waterfall. Plus, this time sex did, in fact, lead to a romantic bicycle date, which concluded with Nic popping the question: Will you be formally closed off with me? Which is as close to married as you’re going to get in the villa.
The ancient texts of Love Island also speak of love lost and men too cowardly to admit they’ve been stringing someone along until a bombshell they find more attractive arrives and forces their hand. I am, of course, referring to the Taylor, Clarke, and Olandria situation. Olandria is leaving photo-booth thirst traps in Taylor’s bed, which is so far beneath her dignity that I shudder even to mention it here, because Taylor quite clearly prefers Clarke. (Not that I imagine Taylor and Clarke lasting long outside the villa. She dreams of a clean, sleek, modern home, and Taylor wants to live in a literal stable for horses.)
What I’m saying is that the great Casa shake-up of 2025 did what it needed to do in striking the fear of God into these Islanders and getting them back on a track we recognize. But, before we got to all that, there was Nicolandria.
Unbeknownst to their fellow Islanders, Nic and Olandria have been sent on a date and told they can only return to the main villa if they couple up with each other, like smushing the faces of two Barbies together to make them kiss, but with real people. This desperate act of blatant pandering to Nicolandria shippers online somehow works. Nic and Olandria, forcibly thrust from the comfortable fences they’ve been riding in their relationships, set off on a joint hero’s journey to save Love Island USA season seven from itself.
Nic’s like, This is great! A chance to act on my obvious attraction to Olandria without Cierra around to make me feel guilty. Olandria’s like, This is great! All I have to do is share a bed with Nic for a few days, and I get to return to Taylor, who is surely missing me deeply right now. Either way, they clink Champagne glasses and slip back into the main villa while everyone else is asleep, then jubilantly surprise them in the morning.
Unfortunately, this is where the good times end for Olandria. As the day progresses, she cannot believe what she’s seeing between Taylor and Clarke. As in, confronted with the reality of her non-connection with Taylor, Olandria chooses denial. Logically, Olandria cannot comprehend that Taylor feels more connected to Clarke after three days than he does with her after three weeks. Taylor and Clarke are very physical with each other, and we all know that means it’ll never last, Olandria says. At the pinnacle of her self-delusion, Olandria tells Clarke to her very face, I’m proud of Taylor for using you to test his connection with me. Because surely Taylor appreciates the day-in-and-day-out hustle Olandria has been putting into this relationship. What Olandria doesn’t get is that Taylor likes Clarke because there’s no work involved at all.
While Olandria is doing the requisite mental gymnastics to think Taylor is still hers, Nic is basically dancing shirtless in front of her to get her attention. Olandria, staring wistfully at Clarke and Taylor across the villa, expounds on the benefits of starting a relationship as friends while Nic is waggling his eyebrows and asking, “Friends like me? Do you think I’m hot, too? You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Do you wanna make out?” Eventually, Olandria drags her eyes away from Taylor and Clarke playing patty-cake and decides she might as well give it the old college try. The Nicolandria kiss in Soul Ties certainly makes it look like there are sparks between them, but by the morning, it’s all over. Olandria tells Nic she’s not feeling anything romantic between them. Nic says something like, Ha, yeah, totally, me neither. I was too distracted thinking about Cierra and Taylor anyway. Yeah, so you and Taylor totally belong together. Cut to Taylor weaving his fingers through Clarke’s hair.
The good thing about the Nicolandria flop is that it sets up the biggest emotional payoff of Casa Amor, the Nic and Cierra reunion. Back at Casa, Cierra doesn’t have the heart to give Elan more than about 40 percent effort, and even that regularly sends her running to the makeup room in tears. She won’t even kiss him outside of a challenge. Within a challenge is a different story, because until very recently, those were the rules.
So now, all of the new couples have been assembled at the main villa, and tears are streaming down Cierra’s face because she just realized that Nic was the one who got dumped. So touching, right? And then Nic and his JNCO jeans come striding in, and Cierra flies right into his arms, and he’s like, “Missed you,” and then grabs her face to kiss it. Can’t put it better than Huda, who says, “It’s like watching a rom-com or some shit.” Temporarily, at least, I really believe in these crazy kids. Love Island is so back, I’m thinking. We come to this place for magic. Okay, moving on.
The post-Casa recoupling is mostly a matter of reshuffling. Taylor chooses Clarke, and the only person more surprised than Olandria is Amaya, who can’t help herself from jumping up and exclaiming, “Taylor!” in disappointment. There is much hay made of Ace’s decision between Chelley and Coco, who happen to have dressed in nearly identical yellow looks, down to the flower accessory in their side-parted hair. He picks Chelley, which is a much smaller whoop than he probably thought it would be. And Chelley picks Ace, safe in the knowledge that Chris, her Casa connection, isn’t going anywhere because Huda is picking Chris.
Effective as it was, the Casa Amor remix could not solve all of our problems. For one, we are left with entirely too many Islanders and one cannot possibly care about them all. Gracyn? I don’t know her. Bryan? I’m sorry to this man. Second, it can’t undo the precedent that Ace and Chelley have already set for themselves. Perhaps if Ace had spent less time exploring in the early days, he would have less to navigate in the present. There’s been lots of talk about lines and boundaries over the past few days, but nobody seems to know exactly where they are, least of all Chelley. All Chelley knows is that wherever the line is, Huda crossed it.
Today, the line is throwing it down on Ace too much during the heart-rate challenge. Chelley says this was disrespectful of Huda, given the nature of Chelley and Ace’s relationship. But what is that, exactly? Even after all this time, neither of them is willing to share more than half a bed with the other, and they are, famously, still “open.” It has been the law of the land for as long as these Islanders have been here that, unless two partners have set very clear boundaries with each other and the rest of the villa, anything goes in a challenge. You can’t retroactively erect an in-challenge boundary around your primary connection when you still have a secondary connection. Especially not when the real issue is that your secondary connection has removed himself from your back burner in favor of someone else.
Huda is already wallowing in self-loathing after the challenge, but Chelley will not hear Huda’s apology right now or ever because this was a gross betrayal of the sisterhood. I mean, jeez, lady. If that’s how you feel, then why not lock it down with Ace? That way Huda will know Ace is off-limits and she can keep it moving with Chris. But Chris is Chelley’s emotional support sidepiece, and Huda can’t have him either.
It’s all a little self-defeating anyway. The girls have rallied around Chelley in the wake of twerk-gate, leaving no one to comfort Huda but Chris, which ironically brings them closer together. While Chelley is attempting to renegotiate boundaries with Ace in such a way that allows her to get to know Chris while prohibiting Ace from smacking ass during challenges, Chris is kissing away Huda’s tears. Chris isn’t afraid of a little pancake drama. Nor is he afraid of Huda’s daughter. He appreciates Huda’s wittiness and wants to teach her to accept love from others. In short, he fucks with her. They kiss passionately in the speakeasy.
Another betrayal, per Chelley, who was under the impression that Huda brought Chris to the main villa for Chelley, not for herself. Chelley. Sweetie. Baby. Pumpkin. Chris is not your man.
Sounds like the perfect time to let Chelley write a nasty note to Huda and make her read it aloud to the group. They’re calling this game Standing on Business instead of Organized Bullying, which is weird. In the notes written by Chelley, Cierra, and Olandria, Huda is charged with two counts of felony violation of Girl Code. One for dancing on Ace, and one for stealing Chris. The case is argued by lead prosecutor Chelley, and Olandria is her star witness, announcing to the whole group that Huda and Chris actually kissed and also she saw Goody Procter dancing with the devil. I really don’t think Olandria’s loyalty to Chelley required her to publicize information Huda told her in confidence, but that’s what she did. Huda pleads not guilty, because, damn, a girl can’t kiss a guy that she likes? When Chris takes the stand, Chelley and Cierra allege he’s only with Huda to secure his spot in the villa, forcing an embarrassing display in which Chris has to explain that not everything is about Chelley. “I fuck with Huda,” says Chris. There has been no crime, Your Honor! This trial is a sham!
But anyway. There’s more nastiness. Austin strikes a particularly low blow at Amaya, writing that she cries too easily, which is then dog-piled by Ace and, disappointingly, Zak-With-a-K. “God forbid I be a sensitive gangster,” says Amaya, through more tears. Ace and Austin tussle for dominance. Ace wins. Cierra is made to defend dumping Hannah by Pepe, who still misses her, it turns out. Finally, Taylor must answer for his recent movements, and it is truly thrilling to watch Olandria let her anger loose at last. “I cannot express how fuckin’ angry I’ve been,” she says. “You didn’t say fuckin’ shit! Girl gives you three days of attention and you fuckin’ go!” Do you have goosebumps? I have goosebumps. Delicious. Plus, it forces Taylor to say straight up, “I pick Clarke,” which is really what’s best for everyone.
Now, we wait for the jury (America) to deliver its verdict (vote for their favorite Islanders). Then, we may finally know who is the girls’ girl and who is the mean girl.
• “Thank you for your candor.” —Huda
• “My sister moved to Belgium,” —Elan; “In Germany?” —Amaya
• “I put Bryan’s face in my ass.” —Olandria
• “You’ve been inside me, you freak.” — Iris, to Cierra, re: Nicolandria
• “Hi, Barbie!” —Amaya
• “Boulders do not wear clothes, that’s a known fact.” —Austin
